Hey y’all. I’m thinking about either deleting or abandoning my tumblr blog. Honestly, I feel like tumblr creates a really big struggle in me. I feel a lot more self-conscious and self-critical the more followers I gain, and it just doesn’t seem right to me. I’m struggling to figure out how to be a good steward of this site, and right now, I don’t know if I can or know how. I’ve been asking myself that question, and wondering if it was possible for me, but… again, I feel like right now, I just don’t know how and I find it really draining and anxiety inducing. I feel particularly sensitive to all the content I’m exposed to and all of the happenings going on online. I thought that having a tumblr blog and following all these different folks on tumblr would make my mind larger, but sometimes, in my day to day life, I sense and see how in some ways, spending and pouring a lot of time here has made my life and parts of my character smaller and has made my dialogue concentrated and shallow. I feel like for me, tumblr is an online clique sometimes (one that I suck at being a part of, hahaha!), a world you can escape to when you really don’t want to deal with people who are different or will challenge you and it can be a way to actually hide and judge people who, if you looked past the surface, will actually LOVE you. There are things that I want to grow in that, I don’t think spending so much time on tumblr will help me do if I continue to make it as much a part of my life as I have made it.
There are some pretty neat folks that I met because of this site, however. You know who you are. I’m thankful for the ways that you’ve encouraged me, and it was really awesome to meet some of you. I hope to see you again in the near future.
If you wish to continue dialouging with me, feel free to exchange emails with me via ask box. I also have a big girl blog that I write on occasion if you are interested in that. Maybe tumblr will have a more responsible and thoughtful place in my future. Maybe or maybe not.
Either way, peace be with you.