One step closer to home.

i want someone to curl up with in sweatpants and share with them all the songs i grew up with and all the stories in my heart. i want someone to listen to, too.

School is so busy, i don’t feel like home except when i am able to slow down and spend time with my new friend Grace. But being in a place where you meet wonderful ladies who assure you that it is okay when you make mistakes, and it is okay when you cry and that you don’t have to hide underneath the blanket or run to the other room or hang up the phone when the tears start to run, it makes me realize that the house i grew up in wasn’t a safe place for my heart at all, and living there wasn’t a place where i could be the person i truly am meant to be.

And i didn’t mean to get my fears and insecurities in the way of things that are beautiful and true. Now that i see the harm it does to you and me, that is an old part of me that i’m trying to let Him remove, because there is no fear in love.

i’m still afraid sometimes. i still sometimes feel like everything i do is wrong, and that my presence is the opposite of a blessing. But those were the things of that house, and that house wasn’t my home, and just because you grew up with people being a certain way, doesn’t mean all people are like that, and that was in the pass, and this is the present, and next is the future. And every cloud and every tree and every smile speaks of love and hope and grace and forgiveness and says that “everything gets better; you’re one step closer to home.”